"You're good, but not as good as the others"

I have always been reminded to be thankful to God for everything I have.

There are always people who are better off or worse off than you.

I mean it's true, i do agree and understand that it's the reality of life.

Theoretically and metaphorically, I get it.

But realistically and literally? I don't.

Knowing something and fully understanding something are two very different things that only seem the same but aren't.

It's just recently that I've learnt what it actually feels like. I used to think I knew how it felt like, but right now, I truly understand.

The truth is that it hurts like crazy.

It hurts knowing that you're good, but not as good as the others.

It hurts being told that you're good, just not as good as the others.

It hurts being so close to something yet so far.

It hurts that no one understands you. And when they try, half of them just end up hurting you even more.

It hurts that you're so sick of explaining why you're upset that you just say you're fine.

It hurts that everything you do never seems to be good enough.

It hurts that you don't have time to deal with your feelings.

It hurts that those feelings in its untouched glory are shoved into an imaginary box.

It hurts that you have to keep away from people in fear of lashing out and hurting them unintentionally.

However, in the midst of it all, it's really nice to know that we aren't alone.

Day 1 out of 366

I saw this photo of the fireworks display in London ringing in 2016. I couldn't resist.

Wishing my family, loves and friends a Happy New Year!

May 2016 bring even more eye opening lessons and experiences, blessings, happiness, love, joy, serenity, adventures & memories. Here's to another amazing year and many more to come.

God bless always.

xx

Ace

Travel

The quote says it all.

So much has changed after the recent vacation I took with my family.

The wanderlust in me grew even stronger.

As we all know, the world is such a beautiful place. The culture, people, food, history and the idea that there is a certain mystical quality in each and every part of the world intrigue me. Each country, each city or even town, holds a sort of beauty of its own that sets it apart from the others.

And cruising? The thought of waking up in a different port each day is just so damn fascinating. I absolutely adore meeting different people from all over the world who, be it by fate or coincidence or God's hand, all decided to get on the same vessel, nearly all sharing the same love for the high seas.

Besides, romance on the high seas isn't impossible -wink wink-

I can't wait to travel and explore even more in the future. With every single thing you learn about a new place, you uncover something about yourself as well and I think that's absolutely fascinating.

With the experience I had in the Mediterranean, one of the new things I've understood without guilt is that it's alright to want a good life. It's alright to adore nice things. I have been criticised as being materialistic and someone who fancies the 'high life'. If it means I get to cruise and travel the world, why not? If it gives me motivation to work hard so I can afford the luxuries of life and travelling, why not?

Obviously not everyone likes travelling, but I am beyond positive that travelling is something I want to be doing with each opportunity I get. If you don't fancy travelling, don't tell someone who loves it that they should "just be happy where you are". Happiness is subjective and it's good to either keep an open mind or to keep one's mouth shut if one has nothing positive to say.

"Opposites attract" I was told but I am definitely more drawn to people who have more or less the same outlook and genuine interest as I do in travelling.

I can't wait to do this with my lover.

Absolutely.

Three Months Flashed By?

Three months flashed by, just like that.

College has been pretty good. A2 is a step closer to the future and I'm excited for what God has in store for me. Assignments have been piling on but that's life. All my friends are doing well, both in UK and back home. My teachers, what can I say, they are the bomb honestly.

University application season has just passed for me, leaving me waiting anxiously for offers and interview invitations. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, I can't wait for the university years! And freshers, ayyyy. In Jean's words, " we gonna get para!"

Camille's 18th birthday debu just passed, it was pretty amazing. I adore the Fillipino culture and a part of me wishes I could have had a special birthday ball with my loved ones around. The best part was the 18 candles and 18 roses. I then went on to muse about having a 21st debu with 21 candles and 21 roses. When I mentioned it to my mum, she laughed and said "i wonder how you're going to find the 21 male figures in your life for the 21 roses event!"

I had the best vacation ever with my family last month. There shall be a separate blog post in a bit, but it was three weeks of bonding and love. It started off with 5 nights in Wales, followed by 2 nights in London, 3 nights in Barcelona and 1 week on the Allure of the Seas! I met a number of really cool friends on the ship, it resulted in karaoke-ing, dancing in the club and just chilling till the wee hours in the morning. It was enchanting to meet them and I have absolutely no regrets. Those magical memories will remain with me for a very, very long time and I'm beyond glad we're still in contact. My fingers and nose are crossed tightly, hoping that we'd continue being in each other's lives. The Mediterranean cruise was amazing and I'd love to do it all over again! My extended family were there on the ship as well and let's say it was the best feeling ever to have your loved ones with you after a whole year.

Hashtag: Infinitely blessed

Unfortunately, a part of me felt a bit empty after we said goodbye and parted ways at the terminal. Reality hit me, reminding me that physically we won't be with each other for the next year and it stirred up an odd feeling in me. Ya know that feeling where you grew used to not having your family around and then you see them and you're filled with a magical sort of hope and finally that hope is ripped away when reality hits and you're back to being alone. Sigh, it's alright, it's only about 7-8 more months to go from now!

Stoked!

Till the next post.

Compromising Compromises.

There's a reason I did what I did.

I can't fully justify it but I had no choice.

Then Skylar Grey's 'I know you' came on my iTunes playlist and it was the first time I listened to the lyrics. 

It hit me. It was like a sharp slap across my face.

"I have been patient, but slowly I'm losing faith"

Maybe it's the truth. I have been patient for far too long and there was little progress. In fact, the entire thing deteriorated into a certain dark depth I can't explain and can't tolerate. 

For anything in life to work between two parties, there has to be compromise- business agreements, parties, relationships, arrangements and even basic negotiation. However, there is a limit and the final straw that bends with abuse of the idea of compromise. It eventually breaks.

I've been lying to myself, saying it'll work out, to compromise and learn to accept it all. I can accept flaws and imperfection but there actually has to be light at the end of the tunnel and not just darkness.

I don't recognise myself or the person I turned to, to just give in to everything so easily. 

I've finally woken up. 

I've been compromising too much. 

Fortunately, I've always been the type of person who puts family and friends and God first. At least I know deep down that God, family and friends? 

They are forever.